3 Years ago our lives were forever changed and the emotions I feel about it are indescribable. Not one day goes by that I don't replay those 22 weeks in my head and the events that played out in September of 06. Bryant Parks Johnson and Avery Parks Johnson were born, loved so greatly and then went home to be with the Lord. I will always want to know why, but even if I received the answer it would not change a thing and would not take all the pain away. It is hard because I have such limited memories to cherish and I just want everyone to remember. Sometimes I feel like my life has stopped and when I look around everyone else is still moving, I just want to scream!!! I feel so fortunate to be blessed with two healthy, beautiful, loving children and they bring so much joy to our lives. I know my pain would be so much greater if I was not able to enjoy the pleasures of parenthood and for that I am forever grateful. God is so amazing and we are not supposed to question, but human nature is so strong and I know I will always want to know why. Each year I begin to dread the month of September and I replay every moment in my mind, I plan for the flowers I will have at the church, I visit the cemetery a little more than usual, and my emotions are so strong. This year I used the grapevine cross that was given to me during the funeral and had flowers put on it. We hung it on the front of the podium and it was so perfect. The day is done and I am emotionally drained but I wanted to share this with you.
10 comments:
That was perfect! Beautiful! I hope you got my text this morning, I wanted you to know that I remembered them today and was thinking of you! Love you!!
Your in our thoughts and prayers. It is beautiful.
The cross looks absolutely beautiful! What a special way to remember two very special little babies today. We've been thinking about you guys and we love you!
The cross looks gorgeous. A beautiful way to remember your beautiful babies, hugs to you and your family!!!
Those look beautiful! I love you!!!
God is so good although as Christians we are allowed to ask WHY? That is what is so great about it! I ask why questions all the time! This is one that I would also love to stand in front of Him one day and ask why! Although we don't get an answer you have to remember that He does everything for a reason! You have 2 beautiful and gorgeous babies that love you!! You are a wonderful Mommy and just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!! :)
I'm so sorry that you ever had to go through something as painful as this - and i truly admire you for being so strong and not giving up your dream of being a mother. so many other people would have just given up. It might not help much, but I'm a firm believer in the "guardian angel" and its a sweet thought to think that lucy kate and bryant have their own, private guardian angels - their brother and sister - to watch over them. I know that bryant and avery are also watching over you and that they will always be with you.
With tears in my eyes and a huge lump in my throat, I send you many hugs and prayers!! I am speechless...God Bless you and your precious family!
Lesley, I remember every Sept. the day we lost our babies; my grandbabies. I too will never forget, so don't ever feel alone.
Love,
Kathy (mom)
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